I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
