dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
