If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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