At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
