Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish you could order shots online.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pants are for mortals
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
