He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
