I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
