Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
