Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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