Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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