dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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