Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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