Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
