I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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