Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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