So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
