tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
