it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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