filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
