U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
