worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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