I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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