I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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