My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
