You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
