I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
