Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
