i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
