ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
