I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
