I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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