Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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