i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
