i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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