i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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