The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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