I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
