As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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