I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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