Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
