Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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