Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
