In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
