I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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