i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
