wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
