He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
