it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
