I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
