I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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