I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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