I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
