So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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