the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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